


No Homo, Bro!

by DrByron



Category: Borderlands, Tales from the Borderlands - Fandom
Genre: Comparing dick sizes, Denial, Implied Ace!Vaughn, M/M, Masturbation, Non-Penetrative Sex, Undefined Relationship, queerplatonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-27
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-25 21:36:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3825904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrByron/pseuds/DrByron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rhys and Vaughn enjoy some quality cuddle time after a long day of work for Hyperion, but end up discussing male bonding rituals, their body parts and sex faces. Vaughn wonders just how far he and Rhys will go until Rhys stops insisting that it's "no homo". As it turns out, very far.</p><p>[Takes place a 2-5 years before the events of “Tales from the Borderlands”<br/>and before Vaughn got into shape & became little Mr super buff.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Homo, Bro!

**Author's Note:**

> [Click here for an illustration to accompany your experience.](http://drbyron-art.tumblr.com/post/117878711784/an-illustration-to-my-borderlands-fanfiction-no)

After a long work day at Hyperion, which was draining enough for 3 days at any other regular company, the bro triad Rhys, Vaughn and Yvette would often meet up to recharge their batteries. Metaphorically, psychologically and socially speaking. This was not to be taken for granted. Finding co-workers for after hours activities was not the problem per se, but rather finding the rare gem of somebody who wouldn't use personal information to their advantage sometime in the future. It was a cut-throat environment where paranoia was appropriate and useful. Therefore the three friends cherished each other all the more, as they knew (or hoped) that they would always watch out for each other.  
One friday night, somewhere during the 3rd act of their retro science fiction trash movie, Rhys and Vaughn fell asleep on the couch. Yvette had questioned whether they should really torture themselves with this flick from the very start, but now that she was the only one watching, she couldn't even joke about how campy it was anymore. Yvette stuffed her mouth with another handful of popcorn and got up to turn off the screen, leave and let the boys sleep. They had met up at Rhys's place anyway, and Vaughn was basically living there too. Just judging from how often he stays over, including weekdays.  
“Aw, you guys look almost cute sleeping like that... Eww. Well if you didn't have that drooling problem...”, she said to the sleeping Rhys, who's shoulder was soaked in his own spit.  
“You won't be needing that, will you? Thank you!”, she chirped as she grabbed the bowl of salty popcorn, an opened bag of gummy candies and the almost full strawberry soda bottle and made her way.  
  
When Vaughn woke up in the middle of the night, he was lying on top of Rhys, cozily between his legs and with his friend's arm protectively around his shoulders. His head had used the other man's chest as a pillow, and even though that was pretty flat for a pillow, it was warm and nice. He was too comfortable to move.  
“Bro. Hey, we fell asleep.”, he whispered. As he didn't get a reaction, he poked his face.“Hey.”  
“Huh? Uhhh?”, Rhys slowly gained conscience again.“Say what? ...Did the space pirates get the booty?”  
“Bro, we fell asleep again. And looks like Yvette ditched us and took the food.”  
Rhys yawned, stretched and twisted his shoulders until his joints cracked. “Typical.” Rhys yawned again.  
“Are you gonna stay over? 'Cause on the one hand, I'm never throwing a bro out, right? On the other hand... I don't have a second blanket ready and I'm far too tired to put the cover on now.”, Rhys said.  
“Dude, chill. How often do we have to share a bed until you stop mentioning your stupid coverless blanket? You're never gonna put these covers on, face it.”, Vaughn said.  
“Yeah... I guess you're kinda right about that.” Rhys wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, realizing he's been drooling again.  
“We can just sleep on the couch too. It's wicked comfortable, bro.”, Vaughn mumbled, rubbing his face against Rhys's chest and purring happily.  
“ Yeah.” Rhys gave him an appreciating squeeze. “But let's switch positions, ok? You can't even reach around me like that. I could go really for a big, nice mutual fullbody frontal embrace now... uh, no homo of course.”  
“Sure thing, bro.”  
  
They turned around so Rhys would lie on top of Vaughn. Giving a choked cough as he was almost squished by the much taller man, Vaughn still put one arm around him and patted his back.  
“Yeah, bro, there's a reason I'm usually on top... I'm entering pancake territory, dude.”, he wheezed.  
“Rude, man. I'm not heavy, you're just tiny and fragile.”  
Rhys raised his body to shift his weight to his knees and make it easier for Vaughn. He reached under his friend's lower back and lifted him partly off the couch, so they would still be as close as before.  
“That better?”, he asked.  
Vaughn nodded and flung his arms around Rhys. His palms began to wander across his back in soothing, exploring movements. Rhys hugged him tightly against his body. With their legs intertwined and their upper bodies flush against one another, their crotches were pressed together too. Rhys let his head hang besides Vaughn's and his lips touched his shoulder. Not in a kiss, but a mere, comfortable contact. Vaughn buried one hand in Rhys's hair, combing his fingertips through his new, slicked back hairdo. The hands moved along the back in increasingly firm and sensual motions. Their bodies shifted sluggishly against one another. Their breathing became more labored.  
“It feels so good to hug you, man...”, Vaughn whispered into his ear.  
“Yeah, hugs are, like, the best thing.”, Rhys smirked.  
In an attempt to keep him close even as Vaugh wrapped a leg around him, Rhys shifted a hand to grab his friend's hips. A jerk went through his body and he froze up.  
“W-wait, shit, Vaughn!”, Rhys interrupted. "Wait a second, I... I think I got a cramp! Ah, my fucking arm!”  
  
They were rigid in an arrangement like a reference for a kamasutric sex position. They were both trembling and giving weak, awkward chuckles. After a moment of complete physical tension, their muscles relaxed, and they abruptly slumped to the couch like deflating balloons. Lazily lying in a semi-pile, their breathing was audible and heaving.  
Rhys was impressed and gave a little whistle.  
"Whoah, I... I got kinda dizzy there, bro.", he said, slightly concerned but mostly amused.  
"Yeah, me too... I'm shaking.", Vaughn chuckled."Look at my hands, I can't keep them steady! All jittery and shit." He raised them for Rhys to see and to make a point.  
"Yeah, wow, I should probably, umh... Hey, come here." Rhys began."Let me, uh, let me just hold you for a bit there, man. Calm you down. You seem _really_ out of it. Everything alright? Maybe we should've eaten properly and not only popcorn and candy." Rhys slid one arm around his shoulders, pulling him close. Vaughn nuzzled his face against Rhys's throat, embracing his waist with one arm, and awkwardly straightening the other along his own body and out of their way.  
“Admit it, you need that just as much as I do now.”, Vaughn teasingly mumbled against his skin.  
“ _Yeaaaaaah_... yeah I do.”, Rhys sighed. “We must be _super_ exhausted, bro. Work has become fierce. If we both got all dizzy from, like, just hugging? It doesn't take that much energy to hug. I mean, does it? Man, I'm so dizzy.”, he said.  
"Yeah... dizzy, hot and... I could really go for a wank now.", Vaughn mumbled almost inaudibly.  
"Yeah...” Rhys agreed before processing what Vaughn had said. When he did realize, he cringed.  
“Yeah, uh, man... me... me too. I mean, no homo, right? _Hahaha_... Hey, isn't that weird? Like, are we _synched up_ or something? You know, like girls with their periods, we synch boners?"  
"Yeah, umh, _that_ must be it...", Vaughn sneered. The sarcasm went right over Rhys's head.  
"But I don't think I can _walk_ right now, so, uh _going_ for anything could be a challenge.", Rhys chuckled awkwardly.  
"Yeah, no, me neither. My legs are super wobbly.", Vaughn said matter-of-factly.  
"Well then... lying around it is! Right? Waiting it out... just lying here... trying to ignore it... I mean, it's all natural, we can just be cool about it and... ignore it."  
  
"Uh, Rhys?", Vaughn asked.  
"Yeah?"  
"Well. We are best friends, right? We're so close we can talk about everything. ...Share everything... I mean, shit, the things we know about each other is blackmail material to ruin our lifes multiple times. We know exactly how we could fuck each other up, but we don't. That's some true friendship there.”, Vaughn said.  
“Yeah, you sure are right about that, bro. We're best friends for life, we're a team. You, me, Yvette, we're gonna own this place someday. I wouldn't have it any other way, you're the best.” Rhys smiled, ruffling Vaughn's hair.  
“See, Rhys, this is why I trust you. And why i'm comfortable around you. You're comfortable around me too, right?"  
"Of course I am, man, I'm not taking _naps_ with just anyone. And after Yvette had pulled that _one_ _prank_ , you know the one, I'm not sure if I really should still count _her_ among them."  
“The one with the...whisk?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Ohhh. Yeah, Jesus, _that one._ ”  
“So you might be the only one I trust with just about... _everything_ , bro.”  
"See? So... what I'm saying is.... that I really wouldn't be uncomfortable if you took care of this thing now, either. You know, this boner thing.", Vaughn said.  
Rhys began to shift uncomfortably, but since the friction proved immediately to be too embarassing, he switched to being purely petrified. He stuttered a few trials before managing a proper response.  
"But... umh, you're like half on top of me, Vaughn? So, how would I... _Ahahahaha!_ ", Rhys laughed nervously.  
"Well I can shift. Duh. I have enough energy for that.”, Vaughn said. “ I'm just saying that I'm not iffy about you masturbating while I'm here? That would really be a-ok with me! I know that sounds a little weird, but I think we might be on a level of friendship where you really don't need to be shy about basic human needs. I mean, right?"  
"I am _always_ shy about my basic human needs, Vaughn! But... umh... well, uh... I probably shouldn't, right? This is a little freaky, but... I heard dudes do that all the time? Like, _all_ the time? Masturbating in front of each other, I mean. Like... as a competition. Like a _Circle Jerk_ or this _Soggy Biscuit_ game. You know, the one where they would..."  
"Jerk off in a circle to ejaculate onto a cookie, and the one who comes last has to eat-... yeah, dude, I heard that one too. What's up with that? Way to waste a cookie?! But, umh... I'd really be ok with this here now, that's all I'm saying. No cum cookies involved.", Vaughn assured.  
"...you're gonna be jackin' the beanstalk too, right? I think I'd feel pretty uncomfortable about you just... watching me... That'd be kinda sexual?", Rhys mumbled.  
"Sounds... umh, _fair_. Sure.” Vaughn rolled his eyes, all too used to Rhys's fickle, arbitrary definitions of what counts as sexual and what doesn't. “If you feel better that way, I'll rub one off too." He lowered his eyelids and gave a forced sarcastic smile. Rhys decided not to notice it.  
  
"Okay. Alright. Let's... uh, let's get this started!", Rhys tried to sound confident.  
Vaughn shifted his body to free Rhys's crotch, but still remained comfortable in his arms. His head rested on Rhys's extended organic upper arm, and one of his ankles was between Rhys's calves. Vaughn closed his eyes and snuggled into place.  
He casually slid a hand into his pants snd began to massage his own member. Upon seeing this, Rhys immediately stopped opening his own zipper.  
"Are you not gonna... take it out or something? You wanna do it in your pants?", Rhys said.  
"Oh ok, then we're finally ready to show our dicks to each other? You always get so weird about bare skin...", Vaughn said.  
"So we're gonna masturbate in front of each other but not pull blank? That's like... skipping a step."  
"I guess you're right! Alright, I'm ok with this, and since you wanna see my penis..."  
"Well I wouldn't say _want_...! It just makes sense, you know, because... skipping a step and..."  
“Sure, uh, _riiight_.”  
Vaughn shrugged, opened his pants and pulled out his saluting erection. Getting a little shy, he searched for a reaction in Rhys's eyes. What he found was despair, horror and anger.  
"No! Really? No way man, no way!", Rhys protested.  
"Huh? Is something the matter down there?" Vaughn examined himself with confusion. It looked perfectly fine to him but maybe it was the perspective that made him oblivious to any problem.  
"Your... _thing_ is the matter! No, forget it, I changed my mind, I'm gonna keep it in my pants. Let's blow this off. I mean, uh, let's _stop_ it." Rhys huffed.  
"Okay, now what's the matter, Rhys?!", Vaughn frowned.  
"This!" Rhys gestured towards the exposed hard-on. "How in the world are you bigger than me?!"  
"Huh?" Vaughn squinted his eyes to understand what Rhys meant.  
"You're so much shorter! A tiny guy like you should not have a dick that size! That is like _toootally_ unrealistic?"  
"Well excuse me, apparently my genetics insist otherwise?", Vaughn huffed.  
"I don't understand! This is not fair!", Rhys whined.  
"Fair? Rhys, are you seriously upset about comparing dick sizes with me? We're not in a competition! And I haven't even seen yours yet. I won't make fun of you, okay?"  
"You're the brain, I'm the looks. That dick? Should be mine, bro. That... beard? Should be mine too. Why do you have a better facial hair growth than I do anyway? You're really disrupting the order of things."  
"What are you gonna do, take them off and sew them back on you?! Shit, calm down, bro! What's up with you?! You know you're the looks as in _the charms_. You're way better with people and way more handsome than me. You're the one moving up, I'm your support. You're the pilot, I'm more of a... co-navigator. You're the army, I'm the war strategist. I throw the ball, you score the home run... just that we're on the same team. Okay that metaphor didn't quite work. But you get what I mean! Nothing is disrupted. Nobody will ever compare our dick sizes but you! Right now!"  
"...okay.", Rhys slowly calmed down.  
"Okay?", Vaughn asked.  
"Okay.", Rhys said.  
  
"Now let me see that penis."  
"Ugh, oh geez, don't say that... penis is such a stupid word...", Rhys blushed.  
"Well but that's what it's called.", Vaughn replied matter-of-factly.  
Rhys pulled down his pants in agonizing slow motion. Then, his erection out of his light blue pinstriped boxer briefs.  
"Bro.", Vaughn said, staring at his dick.  
"See?! I told you you're bigger...", Rhys whined, blushing even worse.  
"Bro, you're the _same size_. Mine may be slightly thicker or something, _maybe_ , but that's pretty much it. They're not _vastly_ different."  
"But in comparison to our body size, that makes you _Mr Dickiverse_! And I'm just slightly below average..." Rhys nervously fumbled to put his dick back into his pants, but Vaughn grabbed his wrist.  
"It's all about technique, remember? All about technique, Rhys!”, Vaughn insisted.  
“Well, maybe you have great technique too?!” Rhys huffed and crossed his arms.  
“Uhhh, no I don't? Believe me, I don't. I don't even use that thing... except for solo activities. Like peeing and masturbation."  
"Huh?”, Rhys hesitated. “You're not using it at all, like, for sex?"  
"Obviously I don't use it for sex! Bro, don't you think I'd tell you first if I did the horizontal tango with somebody? I haven't _applied_ this thing to anybody so far, so that makes your technique better _by default_."  
"Oh. ... really? I just thought you were... secretive about this kind of stuff.”  
“What? No! I just don't have anything to tell. It's no big deal, just seemed like a waste of time to me, most of the time. It's _really_ no big deal, ”, Vaughn smiled, shook his head and shrugged it off.  
“Oh... Well, that's... that's kind of a waste." Rhys knitted his brow and gave a painfully uncomfortable grin. “You're pretty cute, man. I... would tap you? Uh, no homo?”  
“Uh, Rhys?” Vaughn joined Rhys in skin color, all pink and flushed, yet he gave a strained sigh and rubbed his eyes with his thumb and index finger. “Rhys, listen, I bet you're trying to give me a compliment right now, but..."  
"Oh yeah, that's... that's a compliment!”, Rhys's eyes began to sparkle. ”You're adorable, dude! Come on, give yourself some credit! Looking like you do, it almost looks like you _tried to avoid_ getting some!”  
"Yeah that was kinda the gist? And what you're saying is kind of really offensive, bro.", Vaughn said deadpan.  
“What? No, no no no, I'm not making fun of you, it's the other way round! I make fun of the rest of the world for not making a move to get into your pants!”, Rhys chuckled nervously and used too many gestures.  
“Dude, stop it!”, Vaughn barked.  
“Is this some 'no sex until marriage' thing? Nahhh, can't be, that's not like you at all...”, Rhys laughed. Vaughn was losing his patience. He finally raised his voice for good measure.  
"No, it's not for chastity reasons! Bro, for real now! You're implying that I'm abnormal and 'wasted opportunity' for not putting out, do you realize that? Doesn't sound much like a compliment, now does it?"  
“Oh, uh...”, Rhys finally lost momentum.  
“Shit, if you phrase it like that... I didn't really mean it like that. I didn't mean it like that _at all_. That sounds like a really douchey thing to say.”  
“Yeah, I know, but that's what I'm here for. To call you out on your bullshit.”, Vaughn smiled smugly.  
“I'm sorry. I just thought you'd have some experiences, judging from your, uh...”, he lowered his voice to a whisper “...porn.”  
“My hentai, yaoi and yuri collection?”, Vaughn said loudly. "Just because I'm a conoisseur of the fantasy, doesn't mean I'm into the reality."  
“Well, but this? And all that tentacle monster, alien and robot smut? I guess that's what made me think you'd be really freaky in the sheets.”  
“So... You thought about me being freaky in the sheets.”, Vaughn said.  
“Uh... no? I mean, don't you think about what your friends might be like in bed? Come on, don't pull my leg!", Rhys chuckled nervously.  
"No. No, I don't." Vaughn wore a complete poker face.  
"Well, uh, alright then... this is awkward...", Rhys chirped, casually looking around the dark room.  
“Let's... just... try to forget about that and agree that your penis is nothing to be ashamed of.”  
“Yeah, I suppose you're right. Stop saying the p-word! And... sorry about being an insecure douche sometimes.”  
“I'm used to that, bro.” He gave a smile and casually proceeded to wrap a hand around his own member, still half erect, to prevent it from going flaccid again.  
  
“You ready for this?” Vaughn asked.  
“I'm ready for this.” Rhys nodded.  
Vaughn was the first to calmly close his eyes and begin to rhythmically massage his shaft. Rhys squeezed his eyes shut too, getting nervous about having his best friend snuggling up to him with his erection out. Almost close enough to touch him. Fumbling for his own hard-on, he rushedly began to jerk himself off. He had a really hard time focusing.  
“Okay, uh, should we say something during it?”, Rhys wheezed.  
“Say something...?”, Vaughn sighed, already very caught up in his sensations.  
“Yeah, uh,...” Rhys gave a very suppressed moan. “Like, dirty talk?”  
“Rhys...” Vaughn chuckled, opening his eyes. He had known Rhys would look away or close his eyes for this.  
“How about this...” Vaughn cleared his throat. “Wow, you call that a solo handjob? You only have one prosthetic, but you jerk like you don't know how to use either one of your arms! Well that's a fucking disappointment. Go be ashamed of yourself, not even capable of a good wanking? You shouldn't be allowed to work for Hyperion, because we're _superior fuckers_.”  
“Did you... did you just impersonate Handsome Jack?” Rhys squeaked, opening his eyes.  
“Yup.” Vaughn grinned. “Almost convincing wasn't it?”  
“ Dude... you're such an ass!” He laughed, not interrupting pumping his cock.  
“But you liked it!” Vaughn didn't interrupt either.  
“Did not!”, Rhys chuckled, pulling Vaughn closer, pressing mouth and chin into his hair.  
“Did too!”, Vaughn grinned.  
“Did not!”, Rhys mumbled against his scalp.  
“Yeah, whatever, man!”, Vaughn chuckled.  
He coiled up a little, and gave the smallest , most delicate moaning sounds. Rhys tried to play it cool and forced himself to be quiet, except for the occasional huff and grunt. Their throbbing erections, enfolded by their eager hands, were dangerously close to one another. The rapid motion of their arms vibrated in both bodies.  
  
Vaughn's knuckles first brushed, then grinded against Rhys's shaft, and they both pretended they didn't notice. Rhys slowly stopped his own movement. He gazed with barely open eyes, observed Vaughn in his delirious heat. Rhys shifted his hand. He cupped his cock against Vaughn's pumping hand, holding still himself. It was awkward, but it was Vaughn's hand brushing against his arousal, and that made up for it. They still pretended to not notice, even though both did.  
"Shit, bro...” Rhys watched Vaughn's flushed face, how he bit his lower lip, and how his mouth only slightly hung open in gasps and absurdly cute little moans.  
“Huh?” Vaughn unclenched his eyes a little, absentmindedly gazing at Rhys.  
Rhys opened his mouth to say something. But he hesitated long enough to witness Vaughn cringe, press his chin towards his chest and burst into a joyous groan. With both hands working his own erection , a shudder in his body and a broad grin on his face, Vaughn climaxed into his palms.  
  
The aftermath let him shiver into perfect relaxation. He sighed with deep satisfaction, before he slowly raised his eyes to meet Rhys's.  
“Uh... umh... hey?” Vaughn didn't get a reply. “What's wrong? You're... you're not done yet. Aren't you gonna finish this?” He reached for a box of tissues to wipe his hands off, and then placed himself back into position.  
“No, I'm good!”, Rhys awkwardly jerked his hands away from himself, holding them as if on gunpoint.  
“What? Come on. Is it because we didn't magically come at the same time? Even the virgin guy over here knows that you don't come at the same time, man... You saw me having an orgasm right now! What stops you from showing me yours?”  
"This isn't the same thing!”, Rhys murmured.  
“It pretty much is.” Vaughn said.  
“Well, but your cum face? It's so adorable! Mine is really... yeah, you do not wanna see that. Real creepy.”, Rhys complained.  
“Well I'll be the judge of that.”, Vaughn said.  
“No, I'm serious! You have a great cum face, bro! Like, how do you even do that?!”  
“My face? I just... you know... come. It just happens. I don't do anything for it.”  
“But it's the cutest cum face I've ever seen! All adorable, innocent, happy and... Teach me how to do that!” Rhys was raising his voice in excitement.  
“Are you really sure this is the cum face you wanna go for? Adorable? That might work for me... But for you?” Vaughn lowered his eyelids, giving Rhys a questioning look.  
“Yeah, damn, I guess you're right...”, Rhys admitted. “I need to look cool and dominant and condescending. Like I am underwhelmed by the experience and blame my partner.”  
“Yeah, you gotta have that Hyperion cum face. You gotta have that face saying 'Yeah, wow, that was _far less_ than I expected, you gotta work on that...'”, Vaughn chuckled.  
“Yeah, exactly!”, Rhys chuckled too.  
“If we really want to rule this place someday, you just need that type of cum face, right? These are the things that matter, dude.”, Vaughn said.  
“Hell yeah! I need to look the part in _every_ situation.”, Rhys grinned broadly.  
“So gimme your cum face and I'll assess the status quo.”, Vaughn motivated him.  
“ _Ass-ass_ the status quo.", Rhys snorted. They both giggled like idiots.  
" _Hehe_...Ass-ass. Classic. So, should I give you a hand job to make it easier?" Vaughn said abruptly and without a change in tone or any kind of transition.  
  
Rhys's chuckle got stuck in his throat.  
"Uh-... what?! I-I don't know, uh... that's... that's kinda gay, man."  
"I'd... just be helping you out. But this is an offer, feel free to say no..." Vaughn knitted his brow uncomfortably.  
"Yeah umh... That seems to be, you know, crossing a border? ", Rhys raked a hand through his hair.  
"Well I thought that would be the easiest option, but... Sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.", Vaugn assured.  
"...I have a better idea though.", Rhys began.  
"Yeah? Shoot."  
"How about you turn around, Vaughn."  
"Turn around...?" Vaughn was taken aback, no, he was genuinely shocked. He couldn't believe that Rhys would suddenly suggest something like _that_.  
"And I masturbate behind you. You know, kinda spooning, but jacking off?", Rhys explained.  
"Oh. Aaand... what purpose would that serve?", Vaughn blinked, a little more at ease again, but still very confused.  
"You wouldn't have to... watch me. I dunno, it's too weird to have my best bro seeing my sex face. You understand that, right?"  
"Well, I don't really see a problem with it, especially since you already saw mine, and we probably have some practice work to do on yours from what you're telling me, buuut if that makes you comfortable right now..."  
"Thanks bro. I knew you'd understand. We can still train my sex face in the future, but just... not now."  
Vaughn turned around, stuffing one arm under a couch cushion as a pillow and resting his head on both. He drew his legs a little closer to his body, into comfortable relaxed angles.  
"Do your thing.", Vaughn said.  
"Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do.", Rhys said.  
  
Rhys started working his erection. Unseen from his friend's eyes, he really got going within no time and fapped furiously. A little clumsy, but really into it. So close to Vaughn, with their upper bodies touching, he didn't exactly keep his distance.  
“Bro... bro your dick is... it's kinda poking me.”, Vaughn remarked.  
“You can feel it through your clothes?”  
“Well, yeah, it's pretty damn hard.”  
"Is that okay, though?"  
Rhys rubbed his shaft slower, but still poked Vaughn's ass with the tip. He was staring down at it, fully aware of what he was doing.  
" _'Is that okay?'_ '", Vaughn asked sarcastically.  
"Yeah can I prod you a little bit? Nothing weird. Just like this." Rhys's breathing was hot and heavy.  
"Sure... Everything to get your rocks off, pal.", Vaughn's sing-song-y tone was sarcastic, but not sarcastic enough for Rhys to pay attention to.  
"Cool. Cool.", Rhys wheezed.  
He prodded Vaughns back repeatedly, almost jabbing it. He was groaning with pleasure, as if Vaughn could not only not see him, but not hear him either.  
"Bro, if you come like that, it's gonna stain. That... would be ...unfortunate. Can I take my shirt off and you kinda focus on my lower back?", Vaughn suggested.  
"Sounds good to me." Rhys squeaked happily, lost in the sensation.  
  
Vaughn took off his shirt, revealing that his back was so lean and scrawny that it seemed impossible that he ever so much as looked at popcorn or gummy candies or strawberry soda.  
"Dude, you look so... fragile. Now that you lost all that weight, you're hardly there anymore." Rhys mumbled and made as discussed, starting to rub his throbbing dick against Vaughn's lower back.  
"Ohhh, this might even feel better... oh yeah... i-it does! Good idea, man. Really good, _fantastic_ , idea.", he said.  
Rhys put both arms around Vaughn, pulling him close and tight. One hand slowly slid from his chest over his soft, concave stomach, the fingers sneaking up and down. Vaughn shifted, still slightly uncomfortable being touched _there_ , but he didn't say anything. Rhys's hips however, grinded against Vaughn's nude back.  
"I'm almost scared to handle you too roughly... you're suddenly so delicate." Rhys whispered.  
"I'm not that wimpy, dude! Shut up!", Vaughn grumbled, shifting, getting a little self-conscious.  
"And don't you need one of these hands here to jack off?" Vaughn said, slowly feeling immobile, dizzy and hot in the tight embrace.  
Rhys immediately slid one hand back to his erection, and pressed it to the back, thus fucking the tight space between hand and Vaughn.  
Rhys yelped with pleasure. "Yeah, sorry, got distracted, bro! It's much better like this!"  
He groped Vaughn's chest with trembling arousal, while having his way with his back.  
"Bro, uh, just a heads up?" Vaughn began, squirming, breathing a little labored.  
"I'm... hard again? So... I might want to take care of that? Is that cool?"  
"You're hard again? Man, what's up with us today. How weird, right? Must be something with the moon or the air.", Rhys wheezed.  
"Yeah... weird. So can I? That ok with you?", Vaughn gasped.  
"Yeah... yeah sure go ahead. Just don't move, this position is so good... oh god, yes...", Rhys moaned.  
Vaughn slid a hand into his pants and began ro rub one off to Rhys grinding his boner against his lower back. With one hand, he clung to Rhys's arm, feeling safe and warm in Rhys's horny embrace. He bit his lower lip, closed his eyes, and delighted in the sensory overload.  
They both came after a mere minutes of heated, frenzied grinding. Rhys squeaked in an attempt to keep it down, his face buried in Vaughn's nape. It took afew more moments of working his cock a little more, until Vaughn gave a deep unapologetic groan and joined the post-coital bliss. Breathlessly, they relaxed into the spooning position.  
  
"Phew... bro, good thing you didn't see my face just now, because I totally lost it there.”, Rhys whispered against his nape.  
“Oh, believe me, I noticed.” Vaughn chuckled. “Could you, uh...”  
Vaughn sat up, careful not to let his back touch anything. He reached for it, peeking over his own shoulder, but only dapped his fingertips into the stickiness of his back.  
“Could you wipe it off maybe? I can't see it that well from here...”  
Rhys took a good look at Vaughn's slender back, and how it was shamelessly speckled with his cum, dripping towards his belt. His own cum looked obscene, when being all over the back of his best bro. His groins ached longingly, and his body wanted him back in the game as soon as possible. Only biological reasons stopped him from getting hard again.  
“S-sure thing, bro.” He said with a thin, forced voice.  
He grabbed the box of tissues, tugged a few out, and wiped his ejaculate off of Vaughn's back. It was an experience he would vividly remember for a long time.  
“Thanks.” Vaughn said. “And I kind of, uh... I kind of made a mess here in front, I didn't really... think that through. Give me some of those tissues.”  
  
“Well, at least it's only yours. That's not too suspicious.”, Rhys mumbled.  
“Yeah, thanks, I really like having _my_ sperm on _your_ couch.”  
“If there were two spots, now would be pretty telling! And people would get all the wrong ideas, too, I mean... we didn't do anything like that! We just had quality bro time, nothing _sexual_. What if people thought we were... you know...”, Rhys's level of nervousness was visibly rising.  
“Yeeaah... umh, we're gonna clean this up, man. Chill out, Rhyserino.”, Vaughn rolled his eyes.  
"What if Yvette comes over and sees it before we get it cleaned? At least there's only one stain, but imagine there were two! She'd think we... She would think that we... That would be horrifying!" Rhys buried his face in his hands.  
"Yvette is already dead certain that were boning, anyway...", Vaughn mentioned off-handedly, grabbing a few tissues to get some of the stain away.  
"W-what? Umh, why?", Rhys's face was drained of all color.  
"Oh, she said something about her gaydar doing a rainbow rave pride parade? And that we're _obviously_ 'gay as hell' for each other?" Vaughn said casually.  
"What?!", Rhys choked.  
"Yeah, she teases me aaall the time. Like she teases you about your crush on Handsome Jack? Guess she knows you would seriously flip your shit if she said something about _us_... but me? I give a half-hearted 'shut up' and find it pretty hilarious."  
"How... is that hilarious?" Rhys clenched his teeth.  
"We're kinda married, dude.”, Vaughn chuckled. “The joke is that we still act like we don't bone..."  
"I... dont get it. I really don't get it. Why is that funny?"  
"Ehh, that's... that's fine. Forget about it. Yvette is just being a dick sometimes, it's not important." Vaughn waved it off.  
“To be perfectly safe next time, maybe we should place napkins around and use condoms?”, Rhys asked nervously.  
“... _and wear fullbody rubber suits?_ Come on. We can also just squirt on one another, you know, it's so much easier to clean off.” Vaughn looked into Rhys's eyes with a seriousness that made him choke up.  
“...I suppose you're right.” Rhys squeezed the words out between his lips. He knew he would be thinking about that option for many days and nights to come.  
  
“Okay, uh... cool.” Rhys began. “Soooo, summarizing this experience... I would say that, all in all, this just now was... pretty rad?”, he asked with an unsteady, nervous voice.  
“Yeah. _Rad_.”, Vaughn chuckled, amused by Rhys's dorkiness.  
“This was pretty _damn_ rad, amiright?”, Rhys gained more confidence. “I don't think people know just how mindblowingly awesome friendships can be!“  
“Yeah, umh, friendships... right.”, Vaughn said.  
“No homo, man.”, Rhys repeated, as he so often did.  
“Yeah, about that, you do know that neither of us is straight, right...?”, Vaughn smirked, shaking his head.  
"Well-... so what?” Rhys hesitated. He hesitated for an awkwardly long amount of time, shifting, swallowing, his eyes darting about.  
“I mean, _hahaha_ , yeah, of course, obviously... who said we were straight? I didn't say we were straight! It's pretty crystal clear that I'm pansexual, _just_ like Handsome Jack is!" He laughed thinly.  
"Yeah, exactly! A _nother thing you two have in common_. Well...except that you fall for men all the time." Vaughn said.  
"Not all the time!" Rhys huffed.  
"You kinda have a new man crush every week, dude. Besides your alltime über crush Handsome Jack, that is. One week, it was Henderson, then it was Vasquez, then it was _professor Nakayama_ , which... was... a little weird, to be honest..."  
"I, uh... don't tell anyone about Vasquez, ok? _Ever_.", Rhys begged.  
"Then you had a Pandorian phase, with Axton, Sir Hammerlock, Zer0-... uh, wait, even though Zer0 don't _have_ a gender, do they.", Vaughn continued.  
"You know, Sir Hammerlock was a... prosthetics appreciation thing.", Rhys murmured.  
"You got a crush of the week system, Rhys. Why deny it? I've witnessed them all! The only men that are a constant in your life are Handsome Jack... and me, dude."  
"But I don't have a crush on you, Vaughn. I love you... bromantically.", Rhys said sheepishly.  
"Oh yeah! Yeah I know! _Haha_ , I know, bro. Bromance.", Vaughn grinned and patted his arm.  
"What are you trying to prove? I'm not gay gay. I... like Yvette.", Rhys murmured with frustration.  
"But... you dont wanna bone her."  
"Who tells you I don't?"  
"Yeah, dude, I'm not buying it. She's awesome but you definitely don't want her like that. I know you inside out, you love her as a bro."  
“Well...”  
“You wouldn't jerk off in front of her, would you?”, Vaughn raised an eyebrow.  
“Ew, god, no! Bro, fuck, no no no!”, Rhys shook his head vigorously.  
“See?”  
"...yeah... you're right. But that doesn't mean anything...", Rhys mumbled.  
“I'm not trying to prove your sexual orientation, Rhys... I know you're pan. I'm just saying that-”, Vaughn said.  
“What are you trying to prove then?”, Rhys raised his voice with frustration.  
  
Vaughn saw that this wouldn't be going anywhere. There was nothing to gain from breaking Rhys's defenses now, nothing but spite and anger. He wondered whether the insight mattered in the end, when he already knew how to handle Rhys right to make it possible for them to do the things they _really_ wanted to do with one another. If they would openly determine that they weren't 'just friends', they would have to find a new word for it, and those come with whole other sets of expectations that might not really suit them. Except for the constant defensive 'no homo' thrown in, this was already ideal. A little awkward and around-the-corner, but ideal.  
  
He sighed. “...actually... nothing. Forget I mentioned it.”  
He pushed Rhys down onto the couch and flung himself on top again, to snuggle up and sigh happily. He placed a soft peck on Rhys's cheek and rubbed his nose against him.  
"Dude. What was that.", Rhys chuckled.  
"A kiss on the cheek, dude. I love you, bro. NO HOMO though... Just guy love.", Vaughn mocked.  
"You're... you're an idiot, Vaughn.”, Rhys mumbled, putting his arms around him. "Right back at'cha, though.", he added quietly.  
And before they knew it, the two friends quickly drifted off to a deep, satisfying slumber.


End file.
